Why I’m Doing a Juice Cleanse and More Hypocritical Admissions

OK so this post is really only about one hypocritical confession. But seriously: I love food, I hate fad diets, I hate restrictive diets and I hate anyone who says they need to flush the toxins out of their body. When someone says that to me, I say “What toxins?” They never have an answer.

Cause that’s science people! Your body doesn’t make toxins and it doesn’t hold on to toxic materials even if you put them into your body. Fad diets don’t work. Food is the building block to weight loss and healthy living. But here I am. 36 hours into a juice cleanse.


So how did I get here? How did I stray so far from my beliefs? Simple. I have absolutely no sense of self control. I literally cannot have sweets or junk food in my apartment because I will eat all of it. Or I will force myself to throw it away. For example, right before my juice cleanse I discovered a box of Oreos left over from a party. I quickly ate six dipped in peanut butter before calculating the fat content and tossing them away. I actually had to make sure all the Oreos actually came out of the package and went into the trash to make sure I wouldn’t try to salvage some later. I just can’t say no to things that I think taste good. You know all that science that goes into junk food creation that makes you unable to eat just one? That science was made for people like me.

So I’m using the juice cleanse as a way to cut my artificial sugar addiction, my salty snack foods addiction, and my caffeine addiction. I also know that dropping a hundred bucks as well as basically starving myself for three days is going to have psychological effects. Next time I sit down to eat ten Oreos I will think back to this and pause. I don’t want to do this again. Hopefully once will be enough.

So I picked my cleanse from Groupon because it was the cheapest. I’m doing the Whenever Cleanse by Juice from the Raw. And for 36 hours in I’m not doing too bad. I pee a lot, I can’t be around people eating and I couldn’t finish the last juice yesterday because I couldn’t put any more liquid sustenance in my body. But I’m actually not too hungry. I’m not craving anything in particular and I’ve been more productive today than I have been in a week. Granted I will most likely take a nap later to take my mind off food, but I even worked out yesterday so I’d say overall things are good.

Good juice.

Good juice.

The cleanse is made up of six juices a day over three days. Two of them are straight up green juices that I personally think like dirt. The beet juice is similarly displeasing. But the pineapple, apple, mint juice is delicious. The spicy lemonade one tasted like one would imagine. It’s basically a re-creation of those awful cleanse drinks you hear people doing — water, cayenne pepper, lemon juice and maple syrup. Don’t ever think of doing that. Your poor body. I didn’t make it to the coconut juice yesterday but I’m looking forward to it today.

I also get to eat one raw vegetable a day. Yesterday I ate a carrot. Woohoo.

Bad juice.

Bad juice.

I will definitely update all of you on the conclusion of the cleanse later this week. So far I’m down three pounds but I know half of that is water weight. We’ll see if I can hold on to any lasting effects.

Bon appetit? More like bon drinking lots of vegetables. However you say that in French.


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